Trust and safety

Polyamorous dating asks for more honesty than most dating, and it often involves more people. That makes privacy, consent and good judgement especially important. This guide explains the tools on the site and the habits that keep everyone, including partners at home, safe and respected.

Privacy by design

Usernames, not real names

Your real name and email address are never displayed on your profile. Choose a username that does not appear on your social media accounts, so a curious reader cannot search it and find your workplace or family photos.

Location shown as a town or city

Profiles display only your nearest town or city. Your street, postcode and live position stay private. If you live in a small place where that alone could identify you, consider listing the nearest larger city instead.

Photos you control

You decide which photos appear. Many polyamorous people who are not out at work choose images that show personality without being instantly recognisable, then share clearer pictures once trust has developed in conversation.

Verification that does not expose documents

ID verification

Optional government ID verification adds a visible badge to your profile. Your documents are not shown to other members. The badge simply tells readers that your identity has been confirmed.

Video verification

A short live video check with a moderator confirms that you match your photos without sharing any paperwork. It is a good option for people who would rather not upload ID.

Age assurance

Age estimation, with further checks where required, keeps the site for adults only.

For couples, verifying the shared profile reassures prospective partners that both people pictured are real and aware of the profile. Being transparent here sets the tone for everything that follows.

Tools that keep you in control

• Instant blocking. Block any profile and that person can no longer see you or contact you.
• Reporting. Report a profile or message from inside the site. Reports go to moderators who review them.
• Feedback and ratings. One-click feedback after conversations contributes to a reputation score, giving everyone a sense of who behaves respectfully.
• Off-site contact alerts. If someone tries to move the conversation to another app early, you will see a warning. Pressure to leave the site early is a common sign of a scam.

Behind the scenes, automated monitoring and human moderators screen images, videos and text as they are uploaded and watch for unusual activity, so harmful content is stopped before it reaches you.

Consent comes first

Consent is the foundation of polyamory, and it applies to every stage of dating here.

Consent from existing partners. If you have partners, they should know you are dating and agree to the agreements you are working within. A profile that hides an existing relationship from a partner is not polyamory, and we ask people not to create one.

Consent in conversation. Ask before sending explicit messages or images, and accept "no" or silence as an answer. Flirting is welcome; pressure is not.

Consent in person. Agree plans in advance, check in during dates and remember that anyone can change their mind at any point. That includes couples meeting someone new: a third person's comfort matters as much as yours.

If you want help putting expectations into words, read consent and communication with new partners.

Discretion for people who are not out

Many polyamorous people keep their relationships private from employers, relatives or their wider social circle. That is a reasonable choice. A few habits reduce the risk of being outed:

• Avoid photos taken in recognisable places such as your office or your street.
• Do not mention your employer or children's school by name.
• Agree with new connections how you will refer to each other if you meet socially.
• Hold off on swapping phone numbers or social handles until trust is real.

Treat other people's privacy as carefully as your own. Never share someone's profile, photos or messages outside the site, and never mention a person's polyamory to anyone they have not chosen to tell.

Meeting for the first time

The basics of meeting safely apply to everyone, with a few extra considerations when more than two people are involved.

1. Talk first. Exchange messages, and ideally have a short voice or video call, before meeting.
2. Choose a public place. A café, bar or busy park is better than a private home for a first meeting.
3. Tell someone. Give a trusted person the venue, your date's username and roughly when you plan to head home. In polyamorous life, that person might be a partner, a metamour or a friend.
4. Arrange your own transport. Being able to leave whenever you choose is important.
5. Keep alcohol moderate. Clear thinking helps everyone respect each other's limits.
6. Check in afterwards. A short message to your safety contact closes the loop.

If you are a couple meeting a single person, consider letting them pick the venue and keep the first meeting short. Arriving as a pair can feel intimidating, and giving them control helps balance things. Our page on polyamory dating for couples has more on this.

Protecting partners at home

Polyamorous safety extends beyond the person on the date. Partners and metamours are affected by your choices too, so it helps to agree a few basics: how you will share news of a new connection, what health information gets passed along, and whether anyone at home would like to know the name and venue for a first meeting. Some households keep a simple shared note of upcoming dates. Others prefer a short text on the night. Whatever you choose, consistency builds trust, and trust is what lets everyone relax.

Sexual health

Talking about sexual health is part of honest polyamory. Before becoming intimate, discuss recent testing, barrier agreements with other partners and how you would let each other know about any change. These conversations are ordinary in polyamorous communities and a sign of respect, not mistrust.

Spotting scams and bad actors

Watch for these warning signs:

• Requests for money, gift cards or financial help, whatever the story.
• Pressure to move to another messaging app before you have spoken properly.
• Profiles with professional model photos and very little written detail.
• Someone who claims to be polyamorous but refuses any contact with, or acknowledgement of, their existing partners.
• Stories that change from message to message.

If something feels wrong, stop replying, block the profile and report it.

When something goes wrong

If you experience harassment, threats or abuse, block and report the person right away. If you are in danger, contact local emergency services. Keep screenshots of messages in case you need them later. Moderators review reports and can remove profiles that break the rules.

Frequently asked questions

Can other people see my real name?

No. Profiles display your username, never your real name or email address.

Is verification required?

No. ID and video verification are optional, but a verified badge helps others trust your profile.

How do I block someone?

Open their profile or your conversation and choose block. They will immediately lose the ability to see or contact you.

What should couples do differently when meeting someone?

Be transparent that both partners are aware, let the other person choose a public venue, keep the first meeting short and respect their comfort throughout.

Will my location be shared?

Only your nearest town or city is shown. Your exact address and live location are never displayed.

What if someone asks me to move to another app?

Be cautious. Keep chatting here until you feel confident about them, and report anyone who pressures you or asks for money.