Best polyamory books for beginners and beyond
The best polyamory books for beginners are The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy, Opening Up by Tristan Taormino, and The Smart Girl's Guide to Polyamory by Dedeker Winston. For deeper reading, Polysecure by Jessica Fern is the book many experienced polyamorous people recommend next. Below is a fuller reading list, grouped by where you are, with a few romance novels at the end.
Every book here is a real, published title, listed with its author and the year of its first edition. Several have been revised since, so look for the latest edition when you buy. Books are only one source of ideas, and none of them is a rulebook. Take what is useful and leave what does not fit your life.
Books for beginners
The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy (1997)
The classic introduction to consensual non-monogamy, first published in 1997 and now in its third edition (2017). It covers consent, jealousy, boundaries, safer sex and the idea that loving more than one person can be ethical. Its tone is warm and frank. Some readers find parts of it rooted in the subculture of its time, which is why the later editions are worth seeking out.
Opening Up by Tristan Taormino (2008)
Based on interviews with people in many kinds of open relationships, Opening Up is good at showing range: polyamory, swinging, open marriages and more. It is practical and easy to dip into, and it suits couples thinking about opening their relationship. Taormino also founded The Open List, a directory of professionals who work with open relationships.
The Smart Girl's Guide to Polyamory by Dedeker Winston (2017)
A friendly, accessible guide aimed mainly at women, though useful for anyone. It covers the basics of polyamory, dating, communication and common worries in clear language. Winston is also known as a co-host of the Multiamory podcast.
The Polyamory Workbook by Sara Youngblood Gregory (2022)
If you learn best by doing, this workbook offers exercises and prompts for setting boundaries, communicating needs and building secure open relationships. It works well for couples or individuals who want structured reflection.
Books for going deeper
Polysecure by Jessica Fern (2020)
Polysecure applies attachment theory to consensual non-monogamy. Fern argues that the anxiety and insecurity many people feel in polyamory often connect to attachment patterns, and offers tools for building security across several relationships. It is one of the most widely recommended books of recent years, and especially useful if jealousy feels bigger than the situation warrants. Our guide to jealousy and compersion pairs well with it.
Polywise by Jessica Fern and David Cooley (2023)
A follow-up aimed at people who already have some experience. It covers transitions such as opening up, conflict, differentiation and the harder conversations that come later in polyamorous life.
More Than Two by Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert (2014)
A long, detailed guide to ethical polyamory that was widely recommended for years and has since been revised in a second edition. Co-author Eve Rickert later wrote publicly that parts of its framework placed too much of the burden on the person feeling insecure, so many readers now pair it with newer books.
Stepping Off the Relationship Escalator by Amy Gahran (2017)
Gahran looks at relationships that do not follow the usual sequence of dating, moving in, marrying and having children. Drawing on many interviews, it is especially helpful for solo polyamorous people and relationship anarchists. See our guides to solo polyamory and relationship anarchy for more.
What Is Compersion? by Marie Thouin (2024)
A focused look at compersion, the feeling of joy at a partner's happiness with someone else. Thouin explains what it is, what it is not, and how people cultivate it without forcing it.
The Polyamory Toolkit by Dan Williams and Dawn Williams (2019)
A practical book of communication tools and techniques for polyamorous relationships, useful for working through recurring conflicts.
Books for understanding polyamorous families
The Polyamorists Next Door by Elisabeth Sheff (2013)
Sheff is a sociologist who studied polyamorous families, including those with children, over many years. This book reports what she found about family life, stigma, children's experiences and how polyamorous households work in practice. It is a good choice for relatives who want something grounded in research. Our guide to polyamory and family covers similar ground in shorter form.
Books for couples
Couples opening a relationship often start with Opening Up for its range of examples, then move to Polysecure to understand the feelings that come up. The Polyamory Workbook gives couples a shared set of exercises. Our guides to how polyamorous couples date and polyamorous relationship rules are useful companions.
Polyamorous romance novels
Fiction can be a gentle way to see polyamory from the inside. These are published romance and fantasy novels with polyamorous relationships at their centre.
Triple Sec by TJ Alexander (2024)
A contemporary queer romance about a mixologist who becomes involved with a married couple. It gives real attention to negotiation and insecurity, not just attraction, and suits readers new to polyamorous fiction.
Really Cute People by Markus Harwood-Jones (2024)
A cosy queer romance in which a work trip mix-up leaves Charlie snowed in with a couple and their family. It is a found-family story about joining an existing household.
The Companion by E.E. Ottoman (2021)
A gentle historical romance about a writer who takes a job as a live-in companion and forms a connection with two people. It is known for its tenderness and its trans characters.
Harbor by Rebekah Weatherspoon (2020)
Three people, brought together by grief after their partners are found together, slowly fall into a relationship. It is emotionally heavier than the others here.
Iron Widow by Xiran Jay Zhao (2021)
A young adult science fantasy novel in which the expected love triangle resolves as a polyamorous relationship. It is fantasy first, with polyamory as part of a larger story of rebellion.
How to choose your first book
- Completely new and curious: The Smart Girl's Guide to Polyamory or The Ethical Slut.
- Opening an existing relationship: Opening Up, then Polysecure.
- Struggling with jealousy or anxiety: Polysecure, then What Is Compersion?
- Living without a primary partner: Stepping Off the Relationship Escalator.
- Explaining polyamory to family: The Polyamorists Next Door.
- Want a story rather than advice: Triple Sec or Really Cute People.
Beyond books
Books work best alongside conversation with real people. Local polyamory meetups, online communities and podcasts can fill gaps that books leave, especially around local culture. If a book stirs up something difficult, a counsellor who understands polyamory can help; our guide to finding a poly-friendly therapist explains where to look. For a screen-based introduction, see our list of polyamory TV shows and movies, and for the vocabulary these books use, the polyamory glossary.
Frequently asked questions
What is the best polyamory book for beginners?
The Ethical Slut, Opening Up and The Smart Girl's Guide to Polyamory are the most common starting points. Many people read Polysecure next.
Is The Ethical Slut still worth reading?
Yes, for many readers. It remains a classic introduction to consensual non-monogamy, and the 2017 third edition updates the original.
What book helps with jealousy in polyamory?
Polysecure by Jessica Fern is widely recommended for jealousy and insecurity, and What Is Compersion? by Marie Thouin focuses on the positive side.
Is More Than Two still recommended?
It is still read. Co-author Eve Rickert later critiqued parts of its framework, and many readers pair it with newer books.
Are there polyamorous romance novels?
Yes. Triple Sec by TJ Alexander, Really Cute People by Markus Harwood-Jones and The Companion by E.E. Ottoman are good examples.
What book can I give a family member?
The Polyamorists Next Door by Elisabeth Sheff is grounded in research and written for a general audience.